Technical Support Rep: Yes, Ma’am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install divine love. Can you guide me through the process?
Technical Support Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
Technical Support Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.Is it okay to install while they are running?
Technical Support Rep: What programs are running ma’am?
Customer: Let me see….I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
Technical Support Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma’am?
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Technical Support Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, I’m done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
Technical Support Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
Technical Support Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops…I have an error message already. What should I do?
Technical Support Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says “ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS”. What does that mean?
Technical Support Rep: Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE” your own machine before It can “LOVE”others.
Customer: So what should I do?
Technical Support Rep: Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
Technical Support Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
Technical Support Rep: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
Technical Support Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go…
Technical Support Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thank you for your help. By the way, what’s your name?
Technical Support Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Give a little love away … keep in touch.
Who says there is no clear formula to achieve love in your life… this surely lays it out very clearly. Help me spread the freeware! Also remember NOT to infect it with a virus called “doubt”.