Working Above

Have you been in a situation where in you feel emotionally and spiritually exhausted and tired as if, totally drained? I felt these negative emotions quite a few times in my life and the only outlet I could find to release them is deafening silence.  All I know and feel is to hate, to persecute, to hurt, and to be biased.  Often I remind my “Christian friends” what if God answer your prayers the way you answer His call to service? And right now I feel that I have to internalize what I said to them the past 10 years after I slide back to my old habit and give in to temptations, forgetting God to be served and loved. I find myself wounded by some sin and that I run away from my family, friends, community, and from God.  My life was totally down, burned out after that.  I feel that emptiness and worthlessness overcomes me, I wish that I could simply start over.  I tell myself that this is not how things are supposed to be, I want love, joy, peace of mind and serenity to start flowing within me.  Like a pruned tree, I stood lifeless, envying others with their spiritual “highs” and seemingly problem-free lives.  I ask God for His grace, mercy and goodness that I know He alone can give but my prayers are no longer powerful and my life is passing through a storm that I could not see someone to rescue me.  Even though God was gifting me with small victories, I know it’s not enough.  I deserve the big answer now after a long time of praying to Him.  Every day I became irritable.  I wanted to fix everything by myself but I know I am powerless to change what I had no control over.  But I stand firm with my faith in God, I know healing will take place in me and to the broken relationships that arise and it will come in complete process.  I know He is working above…………………JESUS.